Definition Disappointment: Sadness or displeasure. Sadness or disappointment by the non-fulfillment of one’s hopes and expectations. A person or thing that causes disappointment.
Discouragement A loss of confidence or enthusiasm, dispiritness. An attempt to prevent by showing disapproval or creating difficulties; deterrent.
My relationship with Disappointment and Discouragement:(4/14/19) The date difference and things that happened in between 4/2 – 4/14 (Palm Sunday). The only thing that comes to mind visually to explain the time period is the tide was going out draining me of all the things no longer needed. And now that it is coming in and everything was swept away. The sand looks so beautiful during the transition; you beach people feel me. Nature sweeps the floor of your mess. Then you are left a clean slate to start from each time the sea decides its ready to accept the things you, me, we do not need down to the cellular level. We can’t control, feel, or are conscious of it but it is happening. And since I brought up the date, I had a great day, saw the people that bring me joy and hopefully I do the same to them.
Good, Bad; they don’t understand where I’ve come from:
-I couldn’t feel, all of this is a blessing. Every piece of clothing, item I have, anything I own. People I know understand. I was homeless, I was in jail (mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually and in county) I’m free now.
-I was broken, bruised, pregnant, labeled, accused, abused, raped and pillaged yet; I hear Love. I see love, feel love, found love and only want love. And it led me here. Love gave me clues back home. Love gave me courage to be humble before my captors knowing if I am patient God would find a way.
My pastor was full of emotion today because of his connection to this day and all of his negativity washed through the tide of our Merciful God through his life. You have no clue what has transpired in my world, my sister’s world, your world unknown to me but the same tide wipes us all clean. Today we praised one God for His mercy with palms, our bodies, lives, clothes, time, energy, 1st born, other children, neighbors, loves (good and bad); ego’s and past and present selves at times. We are human.
But the changes we went through do not matter because of compassion, Love and Grace. In my life, I have been met with resistance and lack of love from the door. Shown the wrong way every step yet Love made itself known with those steps. That nagging question, “There has to be better than this right?” Every mistreatment, trauma, belittlement, energy draining, self-esteem level stolen, hope lost and expected to give up. What are you willing to sacrifice for your freedom, peace of mind, happiness, joy, Love? Are your problems controlling you? Or do you see the tides aren’t yours to command and are designed for you to experience so you can choose Love or your own creation that will lead you to the damning circle of disappointment and discouragement?
That is where I am, constantly reminding myself how far I’ve come from constant disappointment and discouragement to the present life I am creating.
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