Define Jealousy: 1. Showing extreme cupidity; painfully desirous of another’s advantages.
2. Suspicious or unduly suspicious or fearful o being envious, covetous
My relationship with Jealousy: Where to start? I guess you could say you learn from the environment you are living in or grew up watching. The examples of confusion, betrayal, pain of jealousy were rampant around me. When sociopaths raise children jealousy is used as a reward system that got mixed with physical abuse and neglect never explained. The time knowledge, self, and energy that is lost during these relationships can be detrimental to your health in every aspect. Being disregarded can throw many humans into jealousy rage, life, or mood. The dysfunctional favoritism filled toxic masculinity while swinging and constant partying in our house hampered my ability to give and receive love honestly until I was able to tell everything about my life and love myself unconditionally.
So my jealousy hindered me and saved me at the same time. I knew I wanted more but didn’t like the way the feeling of jealousy felt. When my family made it a point to make me jealous against how my brother was loved, I would shut down. I love my brother. We may not agree on many many many life choices, alliances, and morals but he is my brother none the less. Like my parents, I always hold out hope that he will change from how and why they do what they do. They could and have stuck me in a room no light, torture me, ignore me call me names. It wouldn’t change. Spread lies, it didn’t change then and it won’t change now. My brother has his own mission and I mine and so far the only time we met is when they want or need something; not for day to day ups and downs get to know your family talks or visits. That was the point of their separation of us as kids. Divide and conquer. He couldn’t step outside the game being played to see it from a different aspect, it was easier to go along than stand up and do the right thing. He is good at the silent exit like I said the psychological games began early in our household.
Enough for now
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