Definition of Hostility:
- Hostile behavior; unfriendliness, or opposition.
- Acts of warfare.
My relationship with hostility: I learned very early what a pacifist is, the meaning of being one, how one goes through their lives within hatred and chaos.
Early in life hostility meant taking the punches for anger felt by adults. It meant awkward painful situations where emotions died in the silence of innocence snatched from children all day, every day.
Seeing justice disappear from your eyes daily until you can no longer take having to fake a persona to save your children and yourself. Realizing your life and criminal record mean nothing as your 2nd child is taken for breaking and entering. That hostility expression saved his and my life. As tragic as it sounds it gave me time to rest for my last leg of this married to a monster I found to keep us safe, now had to be separated in order to survive.
Hostility is knowing your son hates you by his actions and words but respects him enough to choose his life as a man. Love doesn’t have rules and if it is unconditional like most mother’s; you allow your child to be wrong and love them still. You correct and let them decide to do the right thing or not. The rules of free will apply in all relationships. Even when it hurts, even when you know where the source of that anger comes from. Even as you realize everyone has to learn every aspect of mimicking people they look up to for good or bad reasons. When your child is in the thick of delusion that I cannot walk with him during its fruition process. Love doesn’t change because you choose to be blind.
Hostility is damning all of creation instead of being honest.
Hostility is having to argue fuss and fight every day of your life at home, in school and in the streets.
Hostility is seeing the ones doing wrong seem to avoid justice and my ruining my current life for their discretion years ago,
None of this is under my control but I still have faith and know I am Loved and so are they. It doesn’t mean I just smiled my way through all this pain. I held in my anger in my youth after seeing predators get away with all kinds of detrimental behavior that devastates many. Holding it in until I explode, walk away or break down has caused my immune system to be on high alert 24/7. It never shuts off since I was raised, groomed, preyed on, played with and psychologically exposed to each level and side of abuse.
Hostility is being overwhelmed by consistent draining in all forms of communications with certain people. While keeping up hope for humanity from all sociopaths, psychopaths, and narcissists to change, feel, see, understand all of a sudden and have love they never had. My health got to a point where I had to stop holding my breath for them to love me to feel whole, self-care has not and will not ever be a part of your life until you decide. And I choose me, I choose to take care of myself in as much effort as I give life and peace of mind in all of my relationships.
Hostility is choosing every one and never asking yourself what you like, want, need, are; then and now. The only difference now is all those who wanted you hostile cannot understand why you stopped resisting.
What am I going to get hostile for? How can I wake up angry after witnessing Grace and Mercy get me to where I am doing this to heal? So I choose each day to start, be and continue every second knowing I am choosing better, loving and more peaceful. Regardless of who I face from sunrise to moonset.
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