Define Indecisiveness – Prone to or characterized by indecision, irresolute, inconclusive.
– Not clearly defined, indefinite.
Until I left home, I was told how to do everything and even though I may have wanted differently it caused me to second guess everything. The dialogue in my head repeating different versions of no, you suck, you will always be nothing, who do you think you are, you’re just a woman. To get a peek at my true self I have to fight the consistent levels of nurtured doubt mixed with tradition, society, regional circumstances. The norm is difficult to decide when you’ve never examined yourself to even notice.
Energy came from how others thought, felt or looked like they might say. Never letting up, never satisfied questioning just to pick out an outfit for washing clothes. I have to decide every dynamic so after hours pass, this is so heavy and tiring to carry, yet when it’s all you know, you suffer until now.
Something or someone mentions relates or reminds us that hey none of that is real or important. Being ourselves is hard enough, placing all of that PERCEIVED questioning is the insanity of indecisiveness.
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