Carrying grief was a badge of honor, I never thought about the wear and tear on the mind, body, and soul.
Grief: Deep sorrow, especially that caused by death/trouble/annoyance
Grief from not understanding how and why things happened, people, treated me, results of actions, behavior, prejudice for color and gender for being educated or not enough, for not knowing love and compassion, for bad choices, not receiving the amount of dedication Love or care as I give. Being on the short end or devastating side. For on the short end or devastating side. For being a woman, for what was taken from me, for the pain and purposeful hurt and neglect from those I loved or expected to love me. For being the last to know, relationships that didn’t last. For every wrong my children did, every hospital, inpatient, outpatient, therapy, bend over backward to ensure others are better off; only to have them hate everything I do or am. Lie to me, steal and disregard me as a human or as their daughter, cousin, sister, mother.
For the men who wanted to be with me but not truly love me as a person. The main interest was in my body, the money I had but definitely not love. For forgetting happiness for myself daily and wanting to live and feel through others since my grandma died. Feeling lost and like reminded of deception when they look at me, deal or even know me. For years I was left alone, broken, bruised, pregnant and humiliated then shunned for the result of the abuse to be pregnant at 10. For not knowing what happened to the baby, to feeling grief when speaking, trying and communing with my immediate and maternal and paternal sides. I grieved my 1st marriage; for ending it to prevent anyone from being used. I didn’t want any part of it so I grieved for disappointing God for not learning what commitment, Love, honesty, and truth was while being married to someone I thought would act and love me differently if they knew the truth. I mean everything in my life would be appallingly unbelievable to a stranger. I also grieved in my dreams, my nightmares were always of me disappointing him and God never stopped. Or how I didn’t want to be around deception, hatred and any disregard for my life fully.
Copyright © 2019-2029 T.Drew&Assoc. All Rights Reserved. You may copy and redistribute this material so long as you do not alter it in any way and the content remains complete, credit is given to the author, and you include this copyright notice and link. http://phillyzsymphony.wordpress.com/
#NWADV #WAATAKEACTION #LUPUSWARRIOR #FIBRO360 @Phillyzsymphony