Bitterness Definition: – Being or induce taste sensation.
– Distasteful or distressing to the mind.
– Marked by intensity or severity.
-Caused by or expressive of severe pain, grief, regret.
Before I begin it is 12/29/18 and I realized when I picked Hurt & Woundedness that every emotion prior had to be finished before conquering such a large area of my emotional, spiritual, physical, mental and energy. How can I not take care of my bitterness since it alone has caused many wounds in my life so far? It also gave me a chance to implement the healing of my bitterness. Opening doors shut in every corner of your being to save yourself is covered in the emotions I have to still heal but are just being exposed to fresh air. So the dates I use for my journal entries are true and if the dates have pauses, I had to pause for real before unpacking the box. And I have many boxes and vaults, my health depends on my being my true authentic self while learning to love myself completely as I do for others first normally. Turning myself inside out and twisted me into nothing for false love. Love doesn’t do that, It can’t even comprehend doing anything but giving peace and joy to you in your way. Yeah I know it should be done but conditioning and my childhood demanded otherwise. What and how you do the daily turns into life slipping by while waiting to be saved from the trained hell we opt for?
God Bless the Child,…
The date is 12/2/18. I have been digesting this emotion. Although I pride myself in never letting them see you sweat, cry, be vulnerable, defeated, angry, losing or weak. That I’m usable, gullible, slow or afflicted by anyone, situation or generational expectation. I didn’t realize how embedded bitterness can be running and leading life but acting like its all sunshine and rainbows because I learned to look at the fantasy instead of reality. The bitterness that smells of dark places and family dysfunction’s secrets.
The stiffness you get from habit. The consistent dripping of hatred facing you all day every day and believe the lies told that this is Love. How backward and hateful to twist the very meaning for selfish benefit.
The decrepit reaction bought from daily rituals reminding me how useless and unwanted I was. How horrible am I and what horrible karma did I receive to feel and be so broken (literally), bruised, swollen, sewn up, put back together in the midst of psychotic episodes by people claiming it’s my fault for breathing. The very sight, smell or thought of you is repulsed so bad we curse you (literally). The contradiction of having versus stumbled upon to receive what is necessary for school was made clear between siblings.
The bitterness of being separated, on display, like an exhibit at auction; disgraced and humiliated while family laughs it off since it is not happening to them. “You strong, you can handle it, don’t be soft.” That kind of ass-backward bait to make you feel challenged for being left out.
The bitterness of conforming to survive eventually makes any human emotionally drained. Conforming to be what others expect and demand dims any authenticity. You are the example of wrong in every household. The secluded in this big populated world, bitter. The anger is so deep that your body parts start eating itself in a rage because you are not given your basic human right, to Love and be Loved.
The bitterness of confusion, trapped, stuck, unable to grow in a system set up to keep you quiet and broke. You have no worth, intelligence, or ability to be let alone take care of yourself. I’ll take control of your every move bitterness. You grey early, stomach in knots, hate that your body has been abused hurt. Disrespected and lied to, hated just because I’m here, can I get a break bitterness.
This weight took years, centuries to create. Spirit doesn’t lie. Inside deep inside, we know how they lie. Outside of that situation, environment, with that person, job, child’s behavior; there is still you. The person with the life now. It’s not easy dropping this 48-year weight but it has to go. It’s not healthy.
Love is the lifeblood in my so in order to heal I need to let go of all that keeps me from Love. Bitterness is definitely one of the strongest emotions I have non-violently keep dragging around. The heavy ball and chain isn’t necessary and never served me in a positive way.
Copyright © 2019-2029 T.Drew&Assoc. All Rights Reserved. You may copy and redistribute this material so long as you do not alter it in any way and the content remains complete, credit is given to the author, and you include this copyright notice and link. http://phillyzsymphony.wordpress.com/
#NWADV #WAATAKEACTION #LUPUSWARRIOR #FIBRO360 @Phillyzsymphony