Me: Oh, I didn’t forget that I must tell you why I’m cutting texts and emotions that involve my son and my family. I know I’ve been saying it but I understand now. They are cold, use and do things that hurt people. I don’t and it hurts my emotional and physical health and immune system.
That’s not working with my goals and life or what I am creating. I am in a place of peace that is by no means perfect, but I can grow me authentically with no restraint and by doing that I have started a journey the action of love. I’ve done a lot last year clearing the decks and levels I felt needed mending (physically, emotionally, spiritually and physically. But I wasn’t being honest about the very thing I want. Plus, I know it will not happen because cold people don’t feel.
That isn’t my fault, job or responsibility but I took it on thinking maybe one day they will see how great I am. Everyone else loves me; Why can’t you? I felt bad thinking after ALL I’ve gone through with them, I’m still faithful.
Thankfully, I am wrong by only seeing the bad of letting go. It’s healthy to drop the leaves, dwell within through the worse times only to bloom later more beautiful. I don’t have to change when I leave them alone, I am happy and I don’t lose anything by doing this. I gained and have peace of mind daily.
Friend: Absolutely! It’s not worth YOUR stress. Stress is the #1 reason that symptoms get worse with these types of illnesses
You can’t avoid “all” stress (as nice as that would be), but why allow yourself to be stressed by things you don’t absolutely have to it’s not your fault that they’re miserable people. You’ve shown love even through being treated like shit, that COULD have softened their hearts, but it didn’t. Not your problem.
Me: It was pounded into my DNA; family comes first and they are the only people you can trust but I have found the opposite. My family is you and everyone else that I’m involved with that accepts me to the bones.
Today I realized it when my cousin out the blue said,”Oh your mom is a cold person sweetie. She’s was that way before you and still is, nothing to do with you.” My brain went wow and took off for two days. Everything I couldn’t explain came clear. And now I’m not mad. It made me myself inside. I feel like I took a huge step but this time my body is relaxed, and my mind is clear.
Friend: Yep, sometimes family isn’t blood, it’s who’s been there.
Me: Exactly plus my heart told me where to go and I’ve done a lot in the 5 years here. I can’t see me anywhere but where I am with the weight lifted. Do some serious self-care this year and let God do the rest
I’m even talking to my partner better…enjoying the silence instead of repeating the dream life I was used to. For me to recognize it and it not affect my body or give a twinge of pain is progress.
Me: I have stopped jumping too when he comes into a room. I didn’t realize bad it was; losing myself while in this abusive relationship (in childhood or as an adult) making sure we could all escape was extremely difficult. If any part of that story can help one person, it was worth it because I know how it feels not to be loved. No one should feel that, ever.
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