Definition of abandonment
1: The act or fact of abandoning or being abandoned. To give up, discontinue interest.
Cleansing this emotion isn’t easy doing or writing this journal entry. My relationship with abandonment had me pause for answers. It started with prior feelings that mixed with everything to my present for real. Healing is hard when you need to understand the authentic worthiness of yourself. No apologies. This emotion will need a few rounds before clearing. Awareness is the most important step towards accurate self-reflection.
Abandonment touched me emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. Belonging and surviving as a family never materialized unless it benefitted my parents. They left me abandoned for days, weeks, months and once for a year.
I was the one to clean, tease, pick up, babysitter, always punished, worthy of their presence, Love or effort. You feel lost when you’re left alone to sort new feelings, actions and world without the family unit. Those who locked me out of homes, were violent and threw me into basements still feel that they have won. Abuse is an abandonment of Love. And though I will always understand how hard it is for women to leave with their children. I can’t understand sacrificing one child over the other. Telling me I’m not worthy of any Love became core of my abandonment issues. My flashbacks are horrifying families I stayed with so my parents could barter.
My extended family knew everything, they stopped asking about me as time passed. left out at night, never looked for when I ran away, absent from summer vacations; no one bothered. They only pretended while I was in front of them. My grandmother was the only person that stood their ground for my benefit. So when she died out the blue, our room picked clean of her except for my dresser. I guess whoever it thought the stuff was meaningless, but it was all I had left of her. The paint color even felt different. I was 9 and this was the introduction to abandonment. So yes I have felt like everyone would abandon me, lie, leave, steal, take, disown me. So my relationships failed because my understanding tainted Love. I’m tired of people putting masks on to hide the reason for even talking to me.
Copyright © 2019-2029 T.Drew&Assoc. All Rights Reserved. You may copy and redistribute this material so long as you do not alter it in any way and the content remains complete, credit is given to the author, and you include this copyright notice and link. http://phillyzsymphony.wordpress.com/
#NWADV #WAATAKEACTION #LUPUSWARRIOR #FIBRO360