Personal Accountability Negativity Release Journal: Grief

1/3/19

Define Grief:

1.

  • Deep mental anguish, as that arising from bereavement or an instance of this.
  • A source of or cause deep mental anguish.

2.

  • Annoyance or frustration, or an instance of this
  • Trouble or difficulty or an instance of this.
  • Informal criticism or rude talk.

1/8/19

My relationship with Grief:

1.

  • Deep mental anguish, as that arising from bereavement or an instance of this.
  • A source of or cause deep mental anguish.

2.

  • Annoyance or frustration, or an instance of this.
  • Trouble or difficulty, or an instance of this.
  • Informal criticism or rude talk.

1/6/19

My relationship with Grief:  Since this has to be authentic I have to say this is not easy.  I didn’t think I had so much, grief left.  I thought it was anger and some other emotions I haven’t spoken or chosen in my box of cleansing emotions yet.  Yes, these are random on to of everything I am writing.  Today is 1/8/19 morning and it’s still fresh.

My grief comes from what I experienced in my childhood.

My grief comes from thinking I was damaged, doomed, unworthy since my family began using me to benefit themselves.

My grief comes from never experiencing life on my terms.  It was in defense mode 24/7 after my last physical altercation with my father and family before turning 14.

My grief comes from not understanding what Love could do for you instead of forcing results and reaping the repercussions of our mistakes.

My grief comes from feeling like I missed years of life and that I got left behind.  This feeling came from being away from my house, school, and neighborhood so long that people act like your visiting.  So I have to step back to catch on in order to catch up.  Yet this has served me were more than negatively.

My grief comes from expecting horrible outcomes from every moment.  The constant what if’s and waiting to be screamed at just because puts you on edge and physically hurts.

My grief has weakened my immune system attacked my nerves making them fire out of tear so much it is taking a while to calm them.

My grief trying to please people who will never do, act or Love me.  I am accepting the only things I am able to control now but is a game that risks my health.

 

 

 

 

 

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