Personal Accountability Negativity Release Journal: Sadness & Sorrow

12/30/18

12/31/18

Define Sadness:

  • Affected with or marked by unhappiness as that caused by affliction.

Define Sorrow:

  • Mental suffering caused by loss, disappointment or misfortune.
  • A source of cause of sorrow, a misfortune.
  • Expression of sorrow or an instance of this

My relationship with Sorrow & Sadness:  There are no coincidences and I think typing this emotion today is a lesson.  For many reasons but with everything that happened this year.  I asked for clarity. And my how things have come to light and now that all can see, I now have the courage to do this.  Incorporate this work into my life that needs to be lived and not stalled any longer.

Sorrow & Sadness is realizing that no matter how much I turn myself inside out to get love, it is not going to happen the way I was doing it.  Reality came to the forefront in a warning to let me know it’s time to let people decide what they want and I have to let go and take care of me.  After all these years, me.  After all of these issues, by the skin of my teeth, blackouts, knockouts, workouts.  Hard to swallow that you were a tool, not family.  A way out or someone to call when in a jam but isn’t around for anything else relationship sadness.  Alone untouched, unappreciated, not trusted, yet when in a bind.

Sorrow & Sadness to review the year and I can point to every hang-up, missed birthday, valentine’s day, no hug, no kiss, no hello, how are you feeling?  No just called to talk, wanted to see your face, had to be in your presence for a moment type relationship with your child, man, aunt, brother, mom.  The sadness of no Love from the outside so you must go inside.  (Ends today’s entry)

12/18/18

How long can you grieve?  Can you add to the bereavement and continue into sorrow, deep inside and hidden?

My sorry for Love lost carried on through the years because the only true inviting Love I found was my grandma.  Don’t get me wrong people have shown me, Love.  But the get to know you and feed your curiosity, passion and teach some things a the same time kind of Love was our relationship.  When it ends suddenly, you are sad.  When you carry this sorrow and confusion into your relationships, life becomes crazy and full of sadness. Longing for the love I missed, I started ignoring actions, situations trying to feel that emotion somehow while ignoring what people were doing and saying to me in reality.  I wanted them to love me so I excused too much and sacrificed my body, mind and almost my soul.

Not learning what Love is, emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally is not anyone’s fault.  Sadness & Sorrow should be occasional and when warranted.  We do get stuck thinking it’s our luck, karma, family inherited issues and that we will never get out.

Please remember (I get reminders from my best friend who is doing this with me)  The work toward your version of peace is slow work.  It is never a race and will always adjust toward better.  Reaching deep inside to show yourself Love is giving love to everyone else.  Changes you make every second toward better has to be met with compassion, understanding and empathy since you probably haven’t felt this before like me.  Living in the moment is hard to Sorrow and Sadness because it wants you to stand still but we are moving; slowly but surely.  Sorrow is erased as it should be by the warmth you gain from doing the work for yourself and on yourself.

 

 

 

 

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