Personal Accountability Negativity Release Journal: Shame

Define Shame:

  • A painful emotion caused by a belief that one is or perceived by others to be inferior or unworthy of affection or respect because of one’s actions, thoughts, circumstances or experiences.
  • Respect for propriety or morality
  • A condition of disgrace or dishonour; ignominy
  • Regretable or unfortunate situation

My relationship with Shame:  I guess that starts with being female.  Only in this world do you feel damned for being able to reproduce.  The opposite sex instantly feels the need to demean or put us in our place simply because without us there is no them.

Yet they still want us to feel like less of a person and less than that since I have brown skin.  The shame in being 1/4 of a person receiving, 1/4 respect, worth in pay and expectation, 1/4 in thought, 1/4 in opinion, with my voice and necessity.  The shame of having a period, breasts; being different set the tone for my .25 of representation through real life.

Shame is puberty and young adulthood.  The true identity of self is overshadowed by guilt and shame.  The shame of Love and shame of naturalness of Love’s expression between a woman and any man.  In my case, repeating what was wrong and doing better wrong.  Contradiction leads the way toward misunderstanding and lack of communication.

The voice I had was silenced by being told no man wants a woman that does this, that or anything the speaker feels like adding.  Shame for feelings, emotions, weight, hair, body, walking, sleeping, having children or childless, tall, short, thin, not thin; all wrong where ever we fall.  Being ourselves is cut off from growth because we don’t have the opposite sex to vouch for something already accepted Loved and perfect in all variations.

Shame for speaking for non-violence, for preventing for staying, leaving, to feeling or cold; one extreme to the next is the shame placed on my shoulders.  Speak or talk too much, sexy or slut, the person doesn’t matter only the person serving the idea of shaming me or you into being, doing what they want.  Or so they will feel better about themselves making you feel shame.  Allowing them room to do this is a disservice to all involved.  Life doesn’t get better with the negative, ego-driven relationships can be seen as they are, unreal and unhealthy.  So when your friend, in-law, sister or aunt tries to shame you understand they are not able to see they don’t need the shame they’re offering you to carry.

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