Personal Accountability Negativity Release Journal: Inadequacy Incomplete

Define Inadequacy – Quality or state of inadequate, insufficient, deficiency.

Incompleteness – Not complete, unfinished, lacking a necessary part, element or step.  Not completely caught.

 

My relationship with Inadequacy & Incompleteness

It took two extra days for me to type this one up, especially because I was stuck on Insecurity & Self-consciousness.  After a weekend catching up on my journal entries, I now realize how many flashbacks I had of different situations.   They are coming to the surface but instead of breaking me down physically, emotionally and spiritually.  This has been a process before I ran across this new puzzle piece toward healing.

I don’t mind the pauses now, my voice speaks when I’m ready to understand it.  Wow.  Bare with me.  Today I read that if you put the one you love’s name in the place where Love is if its true about them, it is right.  But if it isn’t, it isn’t for you.  My favorite passage in the bible.  1 Corinthians 13:4-8.  Click, the light switch or the inner voice yelling yeah It’s for me too!

But as for healing, these emotions get intertwined with your personality from habit, expectation, and grooming.  The knowledge we gain in our formative years.  (Triggered 3-day pause) Inadequacy & Incompleteness comes from reminders. Suggestion’s art of small doses will cure you, yet that day never comes.  By living in anticipation of what others might want only to be told I can’t ever get it right.  Only passes on the self-hatred Inadequacy and Incompleteness exudes from your entire being.  The washing of your spirit to slowly pluck every pedal of hope by naming all faults.  True or lie.  The result is the same empty, less than, screw lost, misfit toy land for you but in reality.  What is there to celebrate?    Get a career, oh but it’s only because they didn’t have enough people  You are so low on the totem pole it doesn’t matter.  But financially, we’re all on the same team, sigh.  Yep, money always changes things.  It adds to the already volatile circumstances.

Inadequacy and Incompleteness are ingrained from birth.  This is how you should behave, this is all you have to choose from because of you know.  Every calculated step that by the time we are grown is a second by the fearful second fight to be accepted, complete, whole, Loved.  Nope, it belongs to your sibling, cousin, friend, mate, four million and people but never you; since you have this going against you.  The looks, stares, signals, detainment, abuse, caged downward spiral to the nothingness you know you belong.  It doesn’t matter if the house, kids, cars, clothes, lives look in public; we know but ignore the truth.  The wrong feels better than being ourselves.  That’s what’s been the problem all along.   Everything is not enough; not the right kind, brand, size, look, definitely wrong color, gender especially, the entire package is off.

 

 

 

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