Personal Accountability Negativity Release Journal: Anger Rage

Define Anger: A Strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility.  Filled with anger.

            Rage:  Violent, uncontrollable, anger.  To feel or express violent uncontrollable anger.

My relationship with Anger and Rage:

Presently I am angry at the ungrateful, arrogant, lying, manipulating, always showing with drama, money, hungry, dishonest, disloyal, scam, scheme, bartering, irresponsible, never at fault men, people, situations, family, strangers, children.  Spent their entire adult life having others help them with money, rent, food or whatever.   Yet they can treat me and other’s irrationally when they do not get their way.  They beg, borrow and steal to get what they want.  Honor or humanity is not apart of their personality nor has it ever been.

Specifically, I think I’m so angry because he loves everything my parents stand for and I do not like.  I’m angry because he has no clue what I have done or would’ve done for him, but I have to be realistic now.  I am not here to be made to feel bad before and after giving money so they will love me.  Only around out of a need for something from me!  Tolerate me for an ulterior motive kind of relationship.

Every mile literally walked, sweat, blood lost and tears do not mean anything.  So instead of getting so angry and full of rage that I internalize and make myself ill.  It cannot be as clear as your immune system shutting down to say time out.  Your mind shouldn’t have to have a breakdown, seizure and turn off before deciding to stop making it personal.   I have to release it all.  Every form, intention, thought, feeling, being, spirit, energy, surroundings, home, body, cell, sub-conscious and conscious, self, domain I release every bit of anger and rage from me.

I can give myself permission to let go lovingly from my fingers, toes, hair, inner organs to my eyelashes.  Every muscle, bone, every piece of skin, eyes, lips throat, speech, brain, heart, mind, lungs, legs, wrists, shoulders, womb(space where mine was, intestines, liver, ovaries, tubes, personality, awake and sleeping, in dreams, pains, ashes, every mood and attitude; gone.

It is time for me to love myself and let them, him or her; all pursue their own happiness in the way they choose.  It isn’t my choice or responsibility.  My love should be enough with my time and current life but when that isn’t the case, I lovingly allow myself permission to let go completely.  Bless and allow is a process.  Sorting my emotions does lighten the load.

 

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