Bracing for Impact…
I know how that feels. To squeeze your body ever so tightly from a forgotten memory. Just watching Tv can be exhausting if the mind wanders. Expecting the worse, hearing negative, feeling the pain of what could be if. The possibilities of what was and now we are trying to figure out why. My shoulders are by my ears, shoulders stiff leading to both arms, legs. Not to mention my head, that spins, constricts from the automatic whincing. Doesn’t matter where you are or how many days pass the bracing never stops. It has become second nature while praying for a glimpse of my first nature. Longing for that curly red hair in the summer air, thanking God for the few seconds of peace because you can be you. No noise, no interference, no guessing, no trying to feel for the person outside yourself to get back to yourself. Never works. Learning to be as gentle with myself as others I try to love. Learning to apply all things within first to get through the outside world that tries to make us someone we aren’t. We get used to the dim picture but that glimpse soothes the bracing. Having the glimpse a little longer each day is my goal. To ask myself with compassion, why am I bracing, hurting, crying, sad, upset, afraid? As I breathe a little longer each day. Feeling the brace at all is progress, reminding ourselves lovingly how far we have come. Our lives have seen many rollercoasters but the familiar isn’t healthy for us or for anyone we relate to in our lives. Understanding that the lie of all better days. Seeing the positive, bright, tasteful, funny, warm, exciting, euphoria in the little things help the bad days turn into smaller things. Changing the perspective of my bracing is decreasing the time of tight fear taking hold of my muscles until they’re weak. I’d rather walk outside in the air or take a class that expands my mind, soul, and body.
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