Deciphering your own self can be difficult, especially with every turn distractions from self-discovery appear. I speak a lot of dualities because in my heart I believe that it is a main focus and point of self-awareness which allows for reaching the higher enlightenment of the self. Which leads me to my point. Once you become aware, your soul shifts to the truth, why does it seem that your self-confidence was sucked from your Being? The things you were so sure of becoming foreign and less attractive though they still appear and tug at your emotions. The one way to change this comes from setting time out to really attempt the only truthful critique possible: by yourself, for yourself. These instances of ego (past and future) nag and bite bringing the only thing it can produce fear. Questions of doom surround your thoughts strangling the life from them until you make a conscious effort to stop them.
This tug of war is the cause of emotional drainage and the feeling of depression. Your fight is between what burden you carry as wrong blocking any chance of positive movement until accepted and allowed. The more you refuse the natural order of whatever cause implemented prior to your beginning your self-awareness delays the freedom that soon will follow once the lesson you are dreading appears. Because your ego continuously shows the end as worse rather than a release which is the true finalization of any portion of a journey. As the change within occurs, another duality appears that could deepen the confusion; receiving and living through your lesson which connects the spirit or letting fear delay your progress. Emotions, if allowed, will cloud your thoughts of reality right in front of you. Tension increases as you slip into doubt and question. In this light truth is rarely recognized and some do things they regret to make themselves feel safer when all that needs to be done is wait and accept. Arguments, frustration, fighting, and in some relationships some spy in order to prevent, manipulate or just to increase anger already felt from ego. The source of fear. In every case following the ego makes the situation worse but the choice is do you choose the higher road? The butterflies in your stomach make you feel like the worse is knocking on the door each time the topic is brought to the surface, thinking a little more pain is being avoided. Insecurity rears its head pulling you into knots as you attempt to secure an answer to your fear when all it takes is release and let go. The path is going to be walked anyway, the sights have to be seen for your growth. The lies in your head that said it was going to go as planned were wrong, you are where you should be in order for the plan to work.
Feeling those butterflies finally if never felt before means you learned the ability to feel, progress. Where there seems to be a down for some reason survival happened, friends were made, lost, and for some reason, you made it through. Once the view was clear and an understanding was made, you felt better. The scenery was unfamiliar standing for the first time face to face in the mirror of life staring down the most important purpose in this or any lifetime, you. How you deal with others, how you play games thinking you will win actually brings truth you lose time. Time with your true self, time to prove you can handle it, the truth that you can survive through this if you listen to your true self. The very deepest part of your own love. The One that allows without worry, forgives when it hurts, takes its own advice, gives time to heal, and allows things to work themselves out. The lies do not matter, the person you are trying to win over, the house you wish for, or any material item will or won’t be there as you wish but one thing will remain the same. You. The strength you were born with remains. You have to remove the veils of confusion and the facts of your own denials, smell the roses in the rain. The scent may open your senses to liberation waiting. So as I learn to listen to spirit I have to realize its good to step back and relax because life isn’t a game and fortunately I don’t want to play games with myself anymore. Reality awakened more of my true self so for the first time the feeling of being on a sea-saw stopped allowing me to realize I’m still Love despite the false ego that attempts to disrupt my view.
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